A Mental (and Physical) Stop-Stick
December 02, 2008
 I feverishly run to the other room and log into the ‘net. Hands shaking, I click to the first search engine I can find and key in this horrifying phrase: "Blood in Semen." To say that I found my situation disconcerting is a massive understatement. To look down and see... that. Well, let's just say that I almost passed out. I got the little red sparkles and tunnel vision. Then I came to my senses and ran to my office to look up the portents of this insanely scary event. According to MedicalNet.com (and many other sources-I get quite thorough when I'm freaking the hell out) I have Hematospermia. And the number of issues that can cause this are staggering-so much so, in fact, that doctors have a very difficult time figuring out where the source of the problem is. While the issue is frighteningly clear, the symptoms vary wildly. Here are a few things that could cause this:
This whole problem has become a mental "stop-stick" in my love life-and hence an issue with trying to conceive. I'm so scared about what will happen that I've put things on hold. Not that I'm ignoring the urges of my girlfriend (I aim to please as much as possible), but just in the area of coitus. I simply can't get past this issue and don't want to expose my girlfriend to it again. I have no problem with doctors. My previous life (when I was married) had me surrounded by them on a daily basis. That helped break down the notion that doctors are just around to poke, prod, and leave you in pain. It humanized them. I'm still friends with a few, though I live far away from them now. However, I'm horrified of needles. I stepped on a sewing needle as a kid-it went through my foot. Couple that with two trips to a certain clinic in Tampa, Florida involving allergy tests, and you can see why I start shaking when blood is drawn. Tunnel vision and sparkles all over again. But this... This problem staggeringly overwhelms my issue with needles. I love my girlfriend. And while we have some differing viewpoints on life, we both want to have a baby. She would be the perfect mother-and I'd be a pretty good dad (though I find babies scary-delicate... but that's another article). I need to fix the plumbing, so to speak. But in researching across the ‘net and talking to my ex-wife (a Physician Assistant), I've encountered this fact: doctors can't figure out exactly what causes this problem. It's either a really bad thing (such as cancer) or nothing to worry about. And the "nothing to worry about" area is huge compared to the "you're going to die" area. The statistics show that this is generally a visual freak-out that has no malignancy. But... it's still just plain disturbing. And then there's the financial aspect. I simply don't have the money to really delve into this-particularly when it could be a snipe hunt. One guy, in response to an article on a particular site, stated that he'd spent well over $3,000 on trying to find the source of the blood in his semen-to no avail. I'm going to go on a limb and say that one of the things he had done was a prostate biopsy. Cha-ching. In this day and age, $3,000 is a lot of cash. And I simply don't have it thanks to my divorce, a death in the family, and the phasing-out of my job (yet another article entirely). The fact is that a majority of Hematospermia cases heal without treatment given time-something that I'm hoping will happen in my case. I do, however, have enough money to go to the doctor and try the least-expensive attempt at a cure. Antibiotics. If it is an infection of some sort, about a month of those little whoppers should wipe it out. That'll still run $100 or so, just because the doctor will want to look in my ears and listen to my heart-none of which has anything to do with the issue. Grrrr. Just give me the antibiotics, and if that doesn't work, we'll go from there. Then they can poke, prod, and put me in pain. Compassionately, of course. And if it comes to it, I'll even give them five bucks. 
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