The Trials of Romance

Keeping the spark alive in a relationship can be difficult at times. I have the dubious distinction of having come out of a divorce (after eighteen years with the same woman), throwing myself back into the dating scene (because if I didn't, I would have stagnated and become one of those crazy bearded guys holding a large sign and yelling at God while limping down the freeway), and then finding a great girl-who has no idea what to do with me.

I can't go into detail, as she would kill me. Let's just say that my girlfriend has never experienced romance.

So... How do you approach the concept of romance with a person who has never been treated in a manner befitting her quality? It is quite the quandary.

But she's lucky. I'm a sap. I'm a total romance junkie. And I'm here to tell you, as a guy, that if your man isn't doing stuff of this nature, you're missing out. And if you can't wrap your brain around why this is such a cool thing (in that it not only makes you feel good, but also makes your man feel good), then you need to re-think your approach on life.

Question: Who doesn't want nice things done for them without asking?

Answer: Hmmmm... I dunno. My girlfriend, perhaps? Yeah, that would be one.

So, it is with great trepidation that I write this article. I suspect that I'll be dead within about five minutes of it going online.

That being the case, I suppose I should start out with the nice things.

I'm head-over-heals for my girlfriend, whom-as with other articles-we'll just call "Linda." I find her extremely pretty, intelligent, funny, and just plain cool.

That being said, I also find her hard headed, frustrating, and so independent that she won't even let me open the door for her. I don't mean that in a general sense. It's so bad that she could be carrying five anvils, a llama, three cats, a duck, and a small car-and she would still get pissed off if I offered to open the door for her.

Keeping that in mind-along with the fact that she has no concept of romance-and you'll see where I'm coming from.

Yet here we are, hoping to have a kid soon.

So, how do I keep the sparks going?

Okay... pay attention out there guys-and gals.

1. Flowers. Lots of flowers. Of any type. It doesn't always have to be roses. I just recently brought home some sunflowers. They're gorgeous-and she was happy.

Don't save flowers for special occasions. The beauty of them comes from the random factor of giving. They don't cost much, they're pretty, and they remind her that you're thinking of her.

2. Make sure she knows she's pretty. Seriously. If she comes into the house with a spike sticking out of her eye, vomit on her shirt, and missing a leg, you should still say "You're pretty" as you navigate her to the car for the hospital trip.

It's not lying. If you love your mate, you love your mate. A relationship should not be built on looks alone. It should be much deeper and more profound than any other relationship you have in your life (Parents figure in differently-as do kids-but that's another story entirely).

3. Guys and gals out there, do me a favor: LEARN HOW TO COOK. No shit. Cooking is one of the best ways to express yourself to your mate. Good food never makes a bad impression. I can't stress this enough.

I happen to be in a scenario where my girlfriend can't eat a lot of the stuff that I like. I've tried to augment my cooking habits accordingly-and not altogether successfully-and its killing me.

But-what do ya do? You eat that bacon-double-cheeseburger when she's at work, that's what. Then you say you had a salad for lunch.

4. Massage Night. Yeah, you read that right. Make some time to give each other a massage. One time each week. Thirty-minutes for each person. And make sure to have nice smelling oils. It is SO worth it.
5. Snuggle.
6. Okay, although I've mentioned cooking (and I will reiterate-LEARN HOW TO COOK), I also have to praise the "nice dinner out." Like flowers, this should not be reserved for special occasions. If you have the money, go out for a good meal. We do this often-a little too, often, truth be told. It does have a certain impact on the wallet.

For the really special occasions, avoid chain restaurants and support the small guy. There's some seriously great, overlooked food out there.

Plus, its much more romantic to sit in a tiny little bistro than to be packed in a booth at a brightly lit fern bar kind'a chain...

7. Time alone. It's just plain necessary. While humans are social animals, we also like time to think and evaluate our situation. My girlfriend likes to paint and have some wine. I, on the other hand, like to blow away zombies or fight the evil minions of the Empire on the Wii.
8. Snuggle. Yes. I said that already. I'll say it again: snuggle.
9. Find something that you both enjoy and do it. In our case, it's camping. Which leads to snuggling. You get the picture...
10. Gifts. It really comes down to paying attention. For example, Linda could give a rat's ass about jewelry. She really just doesn't care.

I find this... odd. A girl who doesn't like sparkly things? What?????

She does like The Grateful Dead (whereas I'm trying... soooooooooooo hard to like them... really. I just can't...). So I would do much better getting her a Grateful Dead CD than a gold ring.

Go figure.

Alrighty-here's the synopsis:

Get flowers, tell her she's pretty (or that he's handsome), LEARN HOW TO COOK, have massage night, snuggle-a lot, go to nice restaurants, find something similar and have fun, and for God's sake PAY ATTENTION to what your partner likes.

Not too difficult, right?

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Dads & Partners

romance, love, fertility, dating, patience, relationship

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